Nirvana

Siddhartha had to allegedly meditate for 49 days under the Bodhi tree to attain Nirvana. 49 days! I will espouse, how, the potent combination of Cannabis Sativa and Psilocybe semilanceata when aided with some good old heavy metal riffs, will help one attain Nirvana, in a matter of hours.

Circa 2000. Bangalore. I was still a bachelor, as where the gang of boys I usually used to frequent the movie halls and malls with. Right through the entire week, we would be working our posteriors off. Most of us were in sales and had targets to meet. This hard work and the intense pressure of meeting the sales target was one of the reasons why the weekend was really treasured. We as a group would wait for Friday evening to begin the weekend debauchery. Copious amounts of alcohol would be consumed, we would head bang our locks off to Pantera, Megadeth, Slayer, Anthrax and Judas Priest, eat the greasiest food possible and generally get completely wasted.  I can assure you, this debauchery being committed on a regular basis over every single weekend required a serious amount of discipline, dedication and commitment from all of us.

Now that I have set the background on how weekend debauchery was sacrosanct for us, let me dive straight into what happened over one weekend.  As was wont, we all wrapped up work, fired out our sales reports to the head quarters and met up at my friend’s bachelor pad. There were about 12 of us who were present that evening.  Money was contributed. Couple of the lads waddled over to the local retailer and came back with the trusted and faithful bottles of Khoday’s.  Cigarettes were available in plenty. The first round of drinks were poured out and just about when we put the glass to the lips, there was a knock on the door. In walked Diggy, a true blue Rajput, who could out cuss a Kannadiga Truck driver, in Kannada.  He had this all knowing grin on his face and slowly opened the backpack he was carrying.  He pulled out two greasy looking packets and threw it on the bed. For some reason, he gingerly opened the first one.  The entire room looked at the content like canines when they chance upon a juicy bone. Diggy proudly announced in his deepest baritone; “ Gentlemen, Manali Gold!” For the less uninitiated, Manali Gold is one of the best varieties of Cannabis Sativa or Marijuana is it is more commonly known. For the completely uninitiated it is also known as grass or weed. Every lung and brain in the room started salivating.  But Diggy wasn’t done yet. He opened the second packet with great flourish. 12 pairs of eyes popped open. Lo and behold! It contained Psilocybe Semilanceata. Again, for the uninitiated, that is the scientific name for a special kind of mushrooms which are “magical” in nature.

One of the lads was promptly sent to the grocery store to buys some eggs. The mushrooms were diced and added to the eggs. I being the only one who could cook, cooked about 15, if I may say so, scrumptious omelets. Now that the mushrooms were dealt with, it was time to deal with the next thing on the agenda; Lord Shiva’s offering.

Diggy spread out a newspaper and put the offering on it.  Very carefully he plucked the leaf. To this he added tobacco from about 15 cigarettes. Again very carefully he crushed and mixed the mixture. Then the mixture was very slowly and carefully filled into the empty cigarettes.

The omelets and the joints were neatly arranged in the center.  The boys sat around in a circle. The lights were dimmed and curtains were drawn. Diggy walked upto the music system, put in a CD he took out his backpack and came back and sat down with the boys.  It was like preparing for a séance.

Using the remote, he turned on the music and announced; “let’s get tempted”. Slayer started wafting from the speakers. We all dug into the omelets first.  Once that was wolfed down, in a very ritualistic fashion the joints were put to the lips and lit.  As the smoke went down the parched throats, peace and happiness descended on every face in the room. As more smoke went down the lungs, we could all see psychedelic colors and shape-shifting shapes.  The music just added to the surreal experience we were having.  As smoke and music filled the room and our head, all the lads gently floated off to La La land to consort with the sandman. Each to his own peaceful thoughts. It was the most peaceful, quiet and meditative time we had ever experienced.

And to get to that state all we required was just 1 measly hour. 60 minutes. Nothing more, nothing less.  If only Gautama knew about the potency of the Cannabis Sativa and Psilocybe Semilanceata. He would have attained Nirvana that much sooner.