A matter of choice

Choice (noun): the right, power, or opportunity to choose. That is the exact meaning as given in the dictionary. Let me try and break this down; again using the dictionary as a crutch. Right (noun): that which is due to anyone by just claim, legal guarantees, moral principles. Power (noun): ability to do or act, capability of doing or accomplishing something. Opportunity (noun): a good position, chance, or prospect, as for advancement or success. Choose (verb): to select from a number of possibilities, pick by reference.

With the above as the background: Choice; life is full of it. The choices we make, and the decisions thereof, pretty much determine how life pans out. These choices which one makes, shapes the future course as life meanders along. The question which arises is the extent of freedom, or the lack of it, when making these choices.  While most of us have belief in the freedom we have to make these decisions, do we exercise it of our own accord or are we mentally conditioned to make some of these choices? Can we control the choice we make? The importance of these questions lies in the fact that once a choice has been made, the actions stemming from it, plays out, and the result thereof.  We have to live with the resultant consequence, good or bad.

I have been treading on terra firma for over four decades now. I have made choices, mostly bad and some good.  Do I regret any one of them? No, not really.  My choices have defined me and have moulded me. Life has been a roller coaster ride for me so far.  More troughs than crests. From being an alleged child prodigy, to being the prodigal son, to becoming a wastrel and a complete washout and then picking up the thread to being an ace salesman, losing the plot on the way and to now becoming a senior leader with the organization I am currently employed with.  As I look at my journey so far and how I have traversed it, the saying “Destiny is not a matter of chance, but a matter of choice” becomes more and more apparent.  There are questions from the past which I do not have an answer for. Why I made certain choices, what drove me to make those, was I conditioned to make them the way I did.  I am not even sure if want them answered, but one thing I am pretty certain about. I am the person today because of all of those choices I made; right or wrong, thought through or conditioned to make that choice.  From this colourful journey I would like to pick one episode where I have made diametrically opposite choices and with equally different results.

Circa 2000s. I was employed with one of the leading watch-strap manufacturing companies in the world and was based out of Bangalore.  I had moved here after my stint with Indian Express, a newspaper group, in Pune.  I was responsible for sales and marketing for the OEM (original equipment manufacturer) clientele and also the retail sales across the country.  The company had come out of six month strike and lock-out about three months prior to me joining them.  The company was slowly trying to recoup the losses incurred due to the strike/lock-out.  There was tremendous pressure; on the sales team to sell and the procurement and production teams to keep pace with the sales effort. 

We were optimistic of hitting our revenue numbers. The sales team I put together was a mix of experienced veterans and energetic youth.  They worked extremely hard on the dealer/retailer network across the country to generate orders.  I toured the country meeting the OEM customers to generate institutional sales.  I also toured the provinces with my team meeting the retailers and dealers.  We were energetic and enthusiastic. We practically lived out of our suitcases. AND we were meeting our targets consistently.  Truth be told we were knocking it out of the park every time.  As were drawing to the end of the financial year, we were upbeat and were putting in plans for the next financial year. 

One day when I was at the corporate office, I get called in to the office of the President.  As typical of most Germans, he came straight to the point.  The parent organization had decided that they would be outsourcing all the retail sales and marketing efforts to one of the OEMs we were supplying to. It was not a discussion, it was a diktat. Essentially the company had decided to be a full blown ancillary unit to the OEM, a vassal state.  In effect what it meant was that the team I had built so assiduously and carefully would have to go.  The team I had pushed, cajoled, driven and if I may say so, inspired, to meet targets, would have to go. I called in the team from across the country to the corporate office.  Met them and broke the news.  Some took it well, some questioned the logic, but all accepted.  Not that there was much of a choice. A team which was absolutely top-notch was broken up.  All went their own way and found other avenues to pursue their wares.

I had a couple of months more with the organization as I served notice and closed out the OEM and retail orders.  Through those two months I started living a dual life.  At work I was professional and did what I had to do.  Back home I turned a recluse and a raving and raging alcoholic.  I had taken the set back personally and hit the bottle pretty hard.  I blamed the entire world for whatever transpired. I felt I had let my team down.

For someone who has always groomed himself well, I had this who gives a fuck attitude.  I dressed sloppily and did not shave.  AND this is how I attended the first interview during that phase.  Needless to say, I did not get through.  For someone who used to take pride in the fact that he had got through every interview, I was shattered.  My confidence hit a new low.  I kept interviewing without any success. I stopped looking at the mirror.  I hated myself and the whole fucking world. I drank with a vengeance.  I was on the way to oblivion.

Then one fine day I happened to look at myself in the mirror.  It was like looking at a stranger, someone I did not recognize and could not relate to. It shook me.  I thought about my parents and my sister.  I thought about what they would go through if I continued in the same vein.  I knew then that I had to pick up myself by the boot straps.  AND that was a choice I had to make.  I had earlier made the choice to blame everybody else but me.  I now made the choice to internalize the issues I had to deal with and meet it headlong. I cleaned up my act. Shaved. Groomed myself.  And interviewed again.  This time with confidence. I landed the first one after my clean up.  It was a massive step down from where I was, but a step in the right direction.  A step forward.  I decided to grab life by the horns and ride it.  

From there on I built my career again, switched my career path, got into operations management, got married to a wonderful person and now I am a father to two beautiful and wonderful children.  Through this, I have had my share of failures, but I have dealt with it with equanimity.  I am more at peace with myself than I ever was.  I became a better person because of the nightmare I inflicted on myself.  I had made the choice to inflict hurt on myself.  I also made the choice to get on with life.  What drove me to make those choices is a matter of opinion, but they have made me the person I am.    

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice. -Wayne Dyer